I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
