dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize