it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
