he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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