Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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