And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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