i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
