If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
