The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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