we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
