Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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