I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its not stalking. its research.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
