What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
