our cab driver is having phone sex.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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