he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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