I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
