I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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