god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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