I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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