I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
the day after is always just damage control
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
