Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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