i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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