I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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