i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
