whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
