I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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