I showed him my bush... on skype.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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