between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
