Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Panties = found
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
