I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
