I CAN MOONWALK!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
