you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
