The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
