In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
