She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
