You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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