ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
