Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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