she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
