it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
