We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
