You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
