I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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