So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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