When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize