Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
