I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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