she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
