Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
