census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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