say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
