I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
