Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
