Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
