How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
