Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
