And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
