oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
