What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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