I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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