I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
