she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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