my vag is so smooth its legendary
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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