I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
