You can't special order awesome
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
