Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Randomize
