Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
