You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
