I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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