Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
