I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
