I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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