ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
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