Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
