You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Randomize
