im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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