Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
